Friday, August 21, 2009
Funny how you can't wait to grow up, then once you do, you wish you had not done it so quickly. The past two days have brought on much reflection in my life. All the things I wish I had done, but never did. All the things I wish I had said, but didn't. Then I started to remember all the good times that I have had. How thankful I am that Great Grandma was around to see her 8 great grandkids. Some people never get that chance. I know that she loved us all dearly. I know that she knew we loved her, even though we could never tell her enough. I really miss her so much already...and I haven't been home yet to feel the full effect of our loss. I know the little things can really set me off. For example, tonight at the appreciation cookout that the office had; both Jordan and Jackson sat down with a Diet Coke. Since when did they chose DC over all the other options...never...but knowing they did was very tough. So will I ever look at DC again without thinking of her...no. Just like I will never play dominoes or see the ocean or a jelly fish or a chihuahua or hear Tom T. Hall or Amazing Grace or red lipstick or an afghan among many other things again without remembering her. I am so thankful that her life was so long and so full. But I still miss her, and wish I could have just a little more time. I know that no one is ready to let a loved one go. I do have faith that I will see her again, and that gives me hope. She is in a place now with no pain and no tears and she is with grandpa. Lord help me to appreciate this. To not be selfish by wanting her here. It just hurts. We are all hurting. I wish the ache would just go away, but then if it did would we still remember?